


Can You Hear It?

by Ranch_be_dressing



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Mental Health Issues, POV Third Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Sports, Trauma, University Student Bokuto Koutarou, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranch_be_dressing/pseuds/Ranch_be_dressing
Summary: “HEY, HEY, HEY!” Somehow, someway, someone's voice seemed to carry over the loud obnoxious music. She whipped her head around to try and find the impressive sound that somehow surpassed the loud music.  An equally obnoxious young man, who seemed quite intoxicated judging by bright red flush and drooping eyes, was standing on the table doing his best impression of a male stripper. The sight was quite comical and full of chaos. It made Y/N momentarily forget her mission to find her friend and get out of this hell hole as soon as possible. Taking a moment she enjoyed the, quite frankly, hilarious scene in front of her.This story follows Y/N as she learns to let herself fall in love with a volleyball obsessed owl-like man. This is a slow burn with plenty of fluff, a little bit of smut (the smut is in later chapters and will be labeled) and lots of cheese.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Kudos: 35





	1. Introduction

_This is not what I had planned._ Y/N thought to herself as she analyzed the situation that she had found herself in. She picked anxiously at the skin around her fingernails as she surveyed the frat house party that her friend, Kimi, insisted that she accompany her to. She mentally cursed her dumbass brain for bringing it up in therapy, too, for the momentary lapse in judgment of forgetting who she was talking to. The therapist was a nice, plump, elderly woman in her mid 60’s but Y/N doubted that she had been to a frat party within recent years. _Yeah I’m betting Brenda was a huge partier._ She thought sarcastically. 

“Well, now I have to go.” She groaned after exiting out of the medical office, a knot forming in her stomach slowly rising up into her throat just from the very thought of going to said party. The noise, the smell, the people, the small talk was enough to send anybody with generalized anxiety into a full blown panic. The morning of the party was just as miserable. Waking up knowing of the impending doom that she must face made it impossible to focus on any of her classes. The afternoon of the party, she received a text from Kimi saying, “Can't wait for tonight! What are you wearing?” It was the last thought on Y/N’s mind at the time.

 _Oh yeah. People are supposed to be excited about these kinds of things._ She thought. Replying back to her friend with, “IDK haven’t really thought that far ahead yet. Probably just a t-shirt and jeans.” Those awful three little dots appeared on her phone screen letting her know that Kimi was typing a reply. Pressure formed in Y/N's chest as she knew what her reply was likely to be.

“A T-SHIRT AND JEANS! Come on Y/N! We aren’t in highschool anymore! You should at least try to look like you’re having a good time! Honestly, you’re so pretty you should be showing off some curves girl ;)” Y/N’s palms started to sweat as she held the warm phone. A shiver ran down her spine then back up again to her shoulders that caused her convulse for a moment. She knew Kimi meant no ill will at all. Honestly, she was really the only one who knew about the PTSD, the low self esteem, the eating disorder and the anxiety attacks, having experienced them first hand. God, Kimi didn’t know how much her words had an effect on her. Wearing a sexy outfit would mean that everyone would see her flaws. Every lump and bump that wasn’t deemed worthy by society's standard of beauty would be on full display. It wasn’t so much the judgment; she couldn’t really care less if people found her attractive or not. No, it was the attention that she feared most. What if someone did find her attractive and wanted to talk to her? “Nope. I don’t care for that shit at all.” She said out loud to herself. “T-shirt and jeans it is. Kimi can kiss my ass.”

Y/N went to a highschool party once and within the first five minutes of being there she was ready to go home. She only had known a couple of people there and not very well either. By the time she found them they were already shitfaced. She left about 20 mins later after trying to stomach the watered down pisswater they had the nerve to call beer. She even tried to join in a few social circles that had formed. She remembered trying to join in their conversations by giving her opinions but it fell on deaf ears. A couple of people tried to make small talk with her by asking some general questions. The thing about trauma is that nothing is quite that simple. Questions like “Are you from here?” or “Why did you move here?” require way more than small talk. An honest answer tended to make people uncomfortable. Lying made Y/N uncomfortable.

 _It’s quite the dilemma._ She thought while smirking darkly. That was the day Y/N told her aunt that something about her wasn’t ‘normal’. After two years, multiple diagnosises, a handful of therapists and hundreds of medications later they still only had a general idea of what was exactly wrong with her. They played around with medicine. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. She had her good days and her bad. Then there were the really bad ones. The darkness that never seemed to end. The emptiness that seemed to choke out all of the goodness in her, leaving her hollow. How could she ever be good enough? How could anyone love her? Why would anyone love her? She was sometimes thankful for Kimi’s airheadedness. It kept her distracted from the darkness. Kimi always seemed to know when the really bad days were coming because she would always track her down from whatever hole she had crawled into and pull her out. They never talked about it and she was also thankful for that. However, Kimi’s airheadedness was working her last frayed nerve now.

 _If I had just kept my big mouth shut all I would’ve had to do was tell Kimi I wasn’t feeling well and she would’ve bought it. Brenda wouldn’t have let me off the hook so easily._ She mumbled to herself while passing by drunk dancing couples in search of the one person she knew. _I could have been peacefully watching Netflix in the comfort of my dorm, but no. You need to be social and make connections. These relationships only come around once in a lifetime ya know._ Y/N thought to herself, quoting her therapist. 

The scene that played before her eyes was like any college party you had seen in any college movie. Dark, smokey and loud. Strobe lights moved around, blinding her occasionally. She thanked whatever higher power that through her many struggles epilepsy wasn’t one of them. Smoke from a machine burned her lungs and speakers that played two year too old house music reverbated in her chest. Her senses were already fried. _Find Kimi, make a tiny conversation, play hooky and get the fuck out._ She inhaled and let out a shaky breath. _Find Kimi._ The thought played on repeat while she focused on her breathing. One of the ‘coping techniques’ she learned in therapy. 

“HEY, HEY, HEY!” Somehow, someway, someone's voice seemed to carry over the loud obnoxious music. She whipped her head around to try and find the impressive sound that somehow surpassed the loud music. An equally obnoxious young man, who seemed quite intoxicated judging by bright red flush and drooping eyes, was standing on the table doing his best impression of a male stripper. The sight was quite comical and full of chaos. It made Y/N momentarily forget her mission to find her friend and get out of this hell hole as soon as possible. Taking a moment she enjoyed the, quite frankly, hilarious scene in front of her. The ‘male stripper’ had seemed to forget about the red cup in his hand and tried to unbutton his shirt with the drink still in his hand. His hips moved out of time with the music while his shoulders kept moving the buttons just slightly out of the way of his impared hands. 

_Don’t I have a class with him? Isn’t his name like Bakugo or something?_ Y/N thought. ‘ _He never struck me as a genius or anything but I didn’t expect him to be the class clown type._ She took her eyes off of said class clown to take in the full scene in front of her. She noticed that someone, who was a little more sober than him, was trying to unsuccessfully coax the intoxicated man down from the table. The drunk man’s friend had short spiky black hair and eyes that any woman would die over. She felt heat rise to her ears as she realized she was checking him out. She remembered why she was there in the first place.

Giving up on finding Kimi on the dance floor, she decided to try her luck upstairs. Going up the stairs proved to be more challenging than Y/N thought. The number of people making out in such a high traffic area didn’t make any sense to her at all. The Only Girl in the World by Rihanna started playing over the loudspeakers and she had to chuckle at the appropriateness of it. 

_Being the only sober one here has its advantages._ thought Y/N _And its disadvantages._ Plugging her nose as the strong smell of vomit hit her square in the face. _I’m never letting Kimi talk me into a party again!_ She groaned. If she could just find Kimi, then she could leave. Her chest was starting to hurt again, so she focused on her breathing. Y/N tried to calm herself down. Glancing up she finally found her goal target. Well, almost. While she certainly found Kimi, she seemed a little busy. Kimi was pressed up against a wall with her legs wrapped around the waist of a stranger, her fingers entangled in the person’s hair. Sighing, knowing this act of theirs was not going to be over anytime soon, Y/N went back downstairs to go get some beer. 

“Maybe some alcohol will help me relax.” She mumbled, knowing that her plans to get out as soon as humanly possible had been thwarted. Her new plan being getting a cup of beer and finding a quiet corner to be alone with her phone. She made her way down stairs and noticed that the wanna be stripper was picking a fight with the spiky haired man who was trying to get him down in the first place. The spiky haired man didn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest. Y/N grinned at the sight. The wanna be stripper’s hair seemed to almost droop with his mood and the thought made Y/N bite down a little laugh. As she poured herself a cup of beer, Y/N felt a wave of exhaustion fall upon her. Her eyes drooped as she exhaled.

“Hey, are you okay?” 

Y/N immediately tensed up and her heart started to race. A cold sweat broke out on her temples and down her spine as she turned around to meet the person who dared to intrude into her personal bubble. To Y/N's surprise, it was Mr. Stripper. Out of literally anybody at this party, the class clown was the absolute last person Y/N thought she would get attention from. 

“Hey. Hey. Hey! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! Let me make it up to you, please!” Mr. Stripper profusely apologized, extremely comically, through slurred words. He had his hands in a prayer position and he was bent at least 90 degrees. 

_It’s like he’s apologizing for running over my dog with his car._ Thought Y/N. Anxiety slipped away because of the ridiculousness of it all. Then she replied with, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” She took a step to leave Mr. Stripper behind, however, he put his hands in front of her and waved them hysterically.

“I’M WORRIED ABOUT IT!” Mr. Stripper screamed which caused everyone to look at the two of them, her anxiety doubling. Y/N reached for one of his broad shoulders and put a finger up to her lips, shushing him as one would a toddler in the hopes that the strangers would lose interest and look away. He was actually quite handsome upon a closer look; his wide set eyes were an absolutely gorgeous shade of gold, and he had the best shaped eyebrows she had ever seen. 

_He must get them professionally done._ Y/N thought. They somewhat reminded her of an owl. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the thought. However, the most attractive thing about him was his body. While he wasn’t cut, he had muscle in addition to a healthy amount of body fat; last of all, he had to be at least 6’2”. He was absolutely massive, but his goofy demeanor kept him from being intimidating. It was kind of endearing.

 _He must be an athlete._ thought Y/N. Majoring in psychology and minoring in sports medicine, she would’ve been damned if she couldn’t pick an athlete out of a crowd. Mr. Stripper’s spiky haired friend clapped his hand on his friend’s meaty shoulder.

“Come on, Bokuto. You’ve had enough. I’m cutting you off.” Spiky hair said. Bokuto’s hair and demeanor dropped considerably. He pouted his lips and crossed his arms like a toddler. It made her melt on the inside at the pathetic sight. Outside, she remained unreadable.

“Akaaaaaaashi!” Bokuto whined. “I was just getting started! I am not even..! No drunk!”

“You tried to give me a strip tease to prove to some asshole that you’re comfortable in your sexuality.” Akaashi explained with a deadpan expression. Y/N bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Akaashi finally seemed to notice her. He turned towards her and said, “Sorry about my friend. I was hoping that the alcohol would subdue his ‘personality’, but I guess that was too much to ask for.”

Y/N giggled a little, and just as she was about to respond she heard a familiar voice call her name. She turned around to find the source of the voice being a very drunk Kimi. Her arm was still wrapped around the person she was sucking face with about twenty minutes ago. 

“Y/N! There you are! I’m so glad to see that you’ve made friends!” Kimi said with a surprised but happy expression. Her face resembled a very ripe cherry. Y/N’s whole body gushed with relief, all the way from her shoulders to her toes. She sighed and with a genuine smile she said, “You look like shit. Let’s go home.” Kimi knew that was code for ‘that person is no good, let’s get the fuck out of here’. But still, Kimi played it up.

“Aww, but we were just getting started. Pwease can we stay a little longer?” Kimi flung her other arm and nuzzled into her partner’s neck. Knowing this is just a ploy as to not get stalked back to their dorm, Y/N was unfazed.

“Sorry, but you have some sobering up to do and a class to get to in the morning. Come on.” Y/N reached for Kimi, but her partner tightened their grip around Kimi. _This usually doesn’t happen._ She thought to herself and frowned trying to remain calm through the heat spreading up her chest and up into her throat. 

“Now, now, the party doesn’t have to stop here. I can make sure she gets home in one piece.” Kimi’s partner said while tightening their grip on her once again. Kimi winced but remained calm.

“Oh, I wish I could. Really, I do, but I have to do what my roomie says. She’s my DD after all. I’ll make sure to call you in the morning, okay?” Kimi stated while stroking their hair. They seemed unmoved by this gesture and just as their face shifted into an expression that seemed outright criminal, a large owl-like man suddenly stood right in front of her. Akaashi stood right beside him. Bokuto and Akaashi seemed to dwarf the person who had their hands posessively wrapped around Kimi and said, “Hey, hey, hey. I think the lady just said she was ready to go home with her friend.” If looks could kill, Y/N swore he must have sobered up for just a second with how serious he had said that. They finally let go of Kimi and she threw herself at Y/N in a vice like hug. Y/N could feel Kimi’s heart pounding through her chest. Hers was not that much better. They both were shaking.

“I think I’ve had enough for tonight, Akaashi. Let’s go.” Bokuto said in a serious tone. “Would it be alright if you ladies would escort us out? Akaashi is afraid of the dark.” Akaashi scowled at him but said nothing. Y/N and Kimi looked at each other and laughed, then kept laughing. It felt good. It was like a dam broke and released all of the negativity the night had collected. What he said wasn’t even that funny, but after such a tense encounter, something had to break the tension. Bokuto gave the biggest smile she’d seen in recent years. Once the two of them calmed down, they both agreed to be their ‘escorts’.

The fresh air hit Y/N like a ton of bricks. It felt amazing. Not so much for Bokuto and Kimi, as they both vomited into the frat house’s front rose bushes. The poor things never stood a chance. The cold felt so good on her hot skin. Sweat instantly dried on her face, sending a good long shiver down her spine. It seemed to shake the gross feeling of the party off. She could see her breath. She remembered once when she was little she tried to blow smoke rings like her uncle with her breath. The initial memory was not a bad one at all. However, that memory was like a reminder of the time when she had suffered the most and that brought her to a dark place. She took a very deep breath and pushed past the memories. 

Y/N held Kimi’s long black hair out of the way of her vomit and rubbed her back. She chanced a look at her ‘hero’ of the evening as he puked his guts out into a rose bush. Akaashi provided moral support and stood off to the side. He did, however, manage to snag a water bottle before they left and offered it to Bokuto after he was finished. He then offered it to Kimi. While she drank, Bokuto was the first to break the silence.

“Well, ladies, it has been a wonderful evening. How rude of me not to properly introduce myself. I’m Bokuto Koutarou, and I’m going to be the best volleyball player the world has ever seen.” Bokuto bowed, and Akaashi stood by his side expressionless. 

“I’m Akaashi.”

“I’m Nakamura Kimi, but you can call me Kimi.” Kimi said while she held up a peace sign.

“I’m L/N F/N, but you can call me F/N. Thanks for your help back there. I honestly don’t know how we would have gotten out of there.” She said as she rubbed the back of her neck. Akaashi and Bokuto both looked at each other. Bokuto looked as though he was about to go on a rant, but Akaashi stepped in.

“No need to thank us. Would you like for us to walk you to your dorms?” He asked. 

“No. It’s really not far from here, and they saw us leaving together so I feel pretty safe.” She assured them. “Thanks again, but we really should be going now.” They bidded their heroes a good night. The strangers turned the opposite way to go to their dorms. She pulled Kimi in closer to her to help her walk.

“They were nice.” Kimi stated. Her eyes struggled to stay open. Y/N hummed in response, wondering what the young men’s ulterior motives could have been.

“They probably just wanted to be heroes for the night.” She stated.

“Y/N!!!” A boisterous voice accompanied by loud, fast footsteps called out from behind. She quickly turned around to see Bokuto as he ran with his cell phone raised above his head. “I forgot to ask you for your phone number.”

“I- uh, I don’t really-”

“Oh no! Not like that. I just want to know if you and your friend get to your dorms okay.” He stated. She stared into his golden eyes as he struggled to catch his breath. She searched to find anything to tell her that he was lying. Something devious, some kind of ulterior motive. She found none and it terrified her. She took his phone from his hand and typed in her number. He looked at it carefully and seemed satisfied. He flashed her another toothy grin before running back the way he came.

“What a weirdo.” She whispered to herself. She already decided that she was not going to text him.

When she and Kimi got back to their dorm, she was physically and emotionally exhausted. Her body screamed for her bed but she managed to get Kimi changed out of her sequined dress and her high heels. Y/N had done this so many times she had it down to a science.

“Sorry that you’re always the bad cop.” Kimi muttered, half asleep and snuggled up to her pillow. She almost missed it.

“You know I don’t mind as long as it keeps you safe. You know you shouldn’t go after those fuck boys and girls. They only want one thing, and some of them can get dangerous.” She lectured. Y/N knew that it fell on deaf ears, though she couldn’t help herself. 

Y/N flopped onto her bed. It was paradise. She felt the softness of the blankets and sheets wrapped around her making her feel safe. She hugged a pillow making her feel secure. Her eyes started to drift close.

Her phone sounded and notified her of a text. Her eyes started to close and she deeply exhaled through her nose. It sounded once more. _I’ll just text them in the morning._ She thought bitterly, knowing it was probably Bokuto. She tried to recapture the feeling of falling into bed. And once more, it sounded. “SON OF A BITCH!” She roared. She violently kicked the covers off and grabbed the phone to see what in the hell was so important that they couldn't wait until morning.

‘Hey, hey, hey! This is Bokuto! Just wondering if you two made it home okay?’

‘Hey! Sorry to bug you again. Did you guys make it home alright?’ 

‘Hey, I’m really sorry to keep bugging you but you haven’t responded and now I’m thinking the worst and I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to the two of you and I was able to stop it from happening I know I’m coming off as overbearing but I have two sisters who mean the world to me and I just feel a responsibility to protect any women i come into contact with Akaashi keeps telling me to leave it alone that you are probably asleep already but I just can’t and-’

 _Goddamn, this guy is an idiot._ She thought. She sent a quick text and assured him that they were both safe and in bed. He in turn gave her fifty plus thumbs up emojis. She hopped back into bed and before she drifted off to sleep she thought to herself, _A sweet idiot._


	2. The Start of Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing too graphic besides the description of an injury, but it's pretty mild.

The next morning went just the way Y/N anticipated it would. Kimi had a raging hangover and spent the morning bugging her about how to get over it as quickly as possible. Being a sports medicine minor, she was used to getting generic medical questions that had nothing to do with what she was actually studying. After she told Kimi to take something for her head and to drink plenty of water, she left for her morning class. She began to regret staying out so late last night as fatigue set in. _I really need some coffee today._ She thought after a long yawn. 

The brisk morning air pricked at her cheeks and nose. It caused her to long for the comfort and warmth of her bed. However, she pressed on as she absorbed the morning sun. She noted how the yellowish morning light reflected off the discolored leaves of the trees that lined the campus. As much as she hated mornings, she couldn’t deny how beautiful the morning light illuminated the empty college campus. The old brick buildings practically glowed in the morning sun. It was moments like this where she wished that she was artistically inclined. There were very few things that put her mind at ease and gave her a sense of peace. She wished she could capture it and share it with someone- from afar, of course. 

After she got her caffeine fix, she made it to her class with about ten minutes to spare. She sat down in the top back corner of the large classroom. To say she really hated this class would be a tremendous understatement. It was dull to say the very least. It was a prerequisite that went towards her psychology degree, but the knowledge that this class had no practical applications didn’t help the disdain for it. The teacher was super misogynistic and monotoned. He favored the pretty flirty girls and the obnoxious macho boys. Everyone else he was hypercritical of and docked points over the most asinine things. Y/N was pretty sure he was just milking his tenure for everything it was worth, which is why she chose to keep a low profile. She knew that she didn’t have the capability to impress the professor since he didn’t seem to value intelligence, so she decided to keep to the shadows. She wasn’t pretty or flirty, so what was the point of even trying to gain the professor’s favor? She would pass this class and move on to ones that had practical applications. 

Besides, from this view she could freely watch her classmates, which was her favorite pastime. It was very entertaining to say the least. There weren't that many students in class this morning. She guessed that was in part due to the frat party last night. The few students who were brave enough to show up for class didn’t strike her as the partying type. _Oh, this lecture is going to be great._ Thought Y/N as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Though, her eyes soon landed suddenly on one of the professor’s favorite students and her savior from last night. He wasn’t in his usual seat up in the front of the class, but instead a couple rows in front of her. He was usually an active participant in class, though he never really added anything relevant other than making the professor laugh and kept him in a good mood. Today however, it looked like he was trying to keep a low profile just like her. _That’s unlike him._ And then it dawned on her that he was probably just as hungover as Kimi. From his hunched over shoulders and his hands that were massaging his temples, Y/N deduced that he indeed felt like shit. The sight was absolutely pathetic and it made her feel sorry for him. _But why? It’s not like I know him or anything._ Maybe it was just the fact that this energetic extrovert had been broken so far down to this pathetic sight that it made her feel bad. Perhaps it was her empathy getting the best of her or the caffeine from the coffee giving her a boost of additional energy that compelled her to take a seat next to him. He didn’t notice her at first because his head was placed in between his arm as sort of a makeshift blackout box. _Yep. Definitely hungover._ His hair was all droopy again. She thought it was pretty funny that his hair seemed to be dependent on his mood.

“You look like shit. Why did you even bother coming to this lecture?” She asked. The question bounced around in her head so much that she felt like she would burst not knowing the answer. Now, it was his turn to be startled. His shoulders jumped slightly as he turned his head to face her. He winced at the sudden movement. As he made eye contact with her his face brightened a little, light returning to his eyes just a bit. He managed to crack a small smile as he said. “Hey, Y/N. I didn’t know we had a class together. Small world.”

“You’re avoiding the question.” She said. _Oh, no. You’re not getting off that easily._

He chuckled, and then said, “You caught me. I just can’t afford to miss any of the lectures due to my grades. In order to pass, I can’t miss any more than I already have.” She frowned, _Just how bad are his grades?_ His blood shot eyes closed and he groaned while placing his forehead on the desk. He looked miserable. She decided to take pity on him.

“Is it your head or your stomach?” She asked while she reached into her purse in search of her pill case.

“Both.” Came his reply, not even bothering to lift his head from the desk. “I’m dying, aren’t I?”

“Have you taken anything this morning?” She asked while ignoring his outlandish question. She placed a bottle of water in front of him.

“No.”

“Okay. Here’s a Zofran for your nausea. I suggest taking that first, and Ibuprofen for your headache. Once you feel like you can eat, try eating eggs. They’re packed with protein but also pretty bland so they won't upset your stomach again. Last thing, drink double the amount of water you would usually to rehydrate yourself and flush the remaining alcohol out of your body.” She said, going into full doctor mode. As she went down her list she slowly looked him in the eyes. He looked at her with absolute wonder that caused heat to rise to her cheeks and ears. He almost looked like he was about to cry. He took all of the medicine without a word.

“Isn’t Zofran a prescription drug?” He asked, “Please don’t give me something if it means that you go without what you need.” _Okay. Maybe he isn’t as dumb as I originally thought._

“I only take it as needed. It’s a symptom of my anxiety, but it hasn’t been bad lately, so I have enough to get me to my next refill.” She said. “I also feel like I kinda owe you one from your help last night.” He scowled at her statement.

“As Akaashi said, it was nothing.” He said. “I saw two people in trouble and I helped them out.”

“It wasn’t just at the party. Were you really that worried about us getting home okay?” She murmured, half hoping that he wouldn’t hear and wouldn’t reply. She felt foolish asking but it truly baffled her to her core. No one cares that much about someone they just met, right? 

“Of course I was.” He stated as if it was simply the weather forecast. She scowled, then asked “Why?” He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by professor misogyny entering into the classroom. 

“Alright everyone! Let’s begin where we left off last time.” The professor announced. “Looks like most of my students were too busy having a good time to focus on their education. Oh! Mr. Bokuto, there you are. Why in the world are you sitting all the way up there, son?” Y/N rolled her eyes at the clear display of favoritism.

“Well, sir, I had a great time last night but I _do_ value my education.” Bokuto responded, “Even if i feel like shit nothing will stop me from achieving my goal.” 

_Maybe you should remember that the next time there’s a frat party on the night before a class._ She thought bitterly. _You’re one to talk since you were at the same party._ The thought made her smirk.

“Atta boy. Say, Mr. Bokuto, who's your friend sitting next to you?” The professor asked. Her heart started pounding and she simultaneously started sweating at the attention brought to her. _So much for keeping a low profile._

“Aw come on, teach! You know Y/N. She’s been here all semester.” He stated as he nodded his head towards you. _You idiot! Stop bringing attention to me!_ She thought as she prayed he could hear her.

“Ah yes, yes. Of course Y/N. Yes. Well, enough small talk, let’s get to the task at hand.” The professor said as he started the lecture. She sighed in relief at the uninterestedness of her professor. However, she could feel Bokuto’s countenance shift. It was almost as if he was offended or a little put off by the professor’s clear display of passiveness towards her. That confused her. _Okay, definitely not as dumb as I originally thought._ Class continued as normal. Halfway through, she noticed Bokuto seemed to be feeling much better when the medicine started to kick in. She felt his relief by proxy. It made her smile to see him getting back to himself. _Why would you think that? Don’t act like you know him. The man is practically a stranger!_ She mentally scolded herself as she furiously wrote down notes. It’s not like she needed them. This class happened to be one of the easiest ones in her roster, but she needed some distraction from the confusing thoughts.

Class felt like it took twice as long. From the confusing thoughts about her deskmate to the monotoned drawl of the professor, Y/N’s eyes were getting extremely heavy. She couldn’t wait to get back to her dorm to feel the comfort and security of her bed. The moment class was dismissed she began to quickly clean up her laptop and notebooks, as if to imply to anyone watching that she had somewhere else to be soon in the hopes that people wouldn’t interrupt her. She was just about to reach the door when she heard it.

“Hey, hey, hey! Y/N! Where’re ya off to in such a hurry?” Bokuto asked as he speed walked to catch up to her. _Maybe giving him that medicine was a mistake. I doubt he would have chased me down if he was still hungover._

“Well, I have to check on Kimi before I go to work.” It wasn’t a complete lie. She also planned on reading some manga before her shift at the nurses office.

“Oh, okay! Hey, I was wondering if you could help me study sometime? I saw how you were taking so many notes and I was hoping you’d be willing to help me. I’m not the best at this school stuff. Honestly, I’m just here because I got a volleyball scholarship, but my grades are in the gutter and I’m in danger of losing it.” He bowed and she jumped at the unexpected movement. “Please help me get my grades back up!” She gulped.

“D- Don’t you have your friend who can help you?” She asked as she started to sweat. The scene started to gather onlookers. 

“Oh, Akaashi? He’s majoring in the arts. I just thought since you and I have the same class I could ask you.” His eyes went from owl to puppy in a matter of seconds, which made her heart melt. She sighed.

“Yeah, I guess that’s fine. On one condition though,” She stated while she held up her finger, almost like a parent scolding their child, “No partying on nights where you have class in the morning. I’m not going to put in the work to tutor someone who isn’t serious.” His face fell a little, but it was soon replaced with a look of determination.

“Yes ma’am!” Came his reply, “I have a condition, as well.” She crossed her arms while she waited for his terms. “Just don’t fall in love with me.” He said with a wink. She didn’t know what she expected, but it sure wasn’t that. She groaned and rolled her eyes. She, however, couldn’t hide the blush that graced her cheeks. He chuckled at the display.

“Deal.” She said, exasperated. She was ready for this conversation to be over. “Well, text me your schedule so we can pick a date and time.” Said Y/N as she turned to take her leave. She really was done with this guy. He annoyed her with his arrogance, and he was loud, so very loud. She didn’t know how she was going to tutor him and keep her sanity. Hopefully he would grow tired of her soon and move on to bother someone else. Most people did, so why would he be any different?

The walk back to her dorm was filled with frustration. Such a stark contrast from this morning. She huffed as she entered the small dorm. Kimi was still where she left her. That was good. She would leave her to sleep her hangover off. She smiled while listening to her snore lightly. She crawled into bed while grabbing the first issue of Ouran High School Host Club. She had read it about a thousand times but it still made butterflies appear in her stomach. The edges were frayed and the binding was coming undone, but she just couldn’t bring herself to throw it away. It made her feel a warm sense of comfort. However, no matter how hard she tried her mind kept drifting to the young owl-like man. What was his problem? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Why couldn’t she just tell him to find someone else to tutor him? It’s not like she was top of the class or anything. She rubbed her temples. She was starting to get a headache. It was going to be a very long day.

It’s not like she hated her job, really. She was honestly grateful to be able to get a job that was in the field of her degree she was working so hard towards. She couldn’t believe her luck being a freshman and working at the sports clinic inside of the college’s gym. That would all be fine and dandy, if it wasn’t so damn boring. She was only qualified to bandage up minor cuts and ice bruises, so any of the serious injuries went to the head nurse. She was an overweight woman who smelled consistently of sour cream and onion chips. She, more often than not, called out and told Y/N to ‘hold down the fort’. The nurse would be on call for the rest of her shift. She was convinced that she was only hired on so that her counterpart could play hooky. All in all though, it wasn’t that bad. More often than not she could handle things by herself. Most of the injuries consisted of bloody noses and scrapes that needed cleaning. Once, a young man from the soccer team came in with a dislocated kneecap. That was a fun day. They were only a small clinic, though, so all they could really do was pop his knee cap back in place and send him to the hospital for x-rays.

Most shifts consisted of her cleaning the cabinets, restocking the medicine and making sure the linens were clean. The latter was her least favorite chore because the clinic didn’t own their own washer and dryer. Insead, she was made to use the washer and dryer the sports teams used to wash their uniforms and sweaty towels. So, she would wait until she was sure all of the sports teams were done with their training and had gone home for the day. Then, with her laundry basket filled to the brim, she would make her way down the long hallway illuminated by fluorescent lights. It gave her the creeps, but she would rather deal with the creeps than chance making small talk with one of the athletes. All it took was one encounter with one of the basketball players for Y/N to never chance it again. To calm her nerves, she played music on her phone to distract away from the eerie lights and the fact she was all alone in the middle of the night. She liked the way the music bounced off the concrete walls and sometimes she even found herself singing along. 

Tonight was nothing out of the ordinary. She was only two hours into her shift and she was bored out of her mind. The bandages were already organized and the cabinets already stocked. The head nurse had managed to stay longer than normal as to not raise suspicion that she wasn’t actually doing her job. Y/N knew better than to speak out about it. Snitches get stitches, after all. 

Her eyes were feeling heavy and they were just starting to drift close when the double doors that opened up the clinic burst open with a loud bang. She just about jumped out of her skin when a very sweaty and terrified looking Bokuto came into the clinic accompanied by a much smaller looking older man. _The coach, maybe?_ Y/N’s eyes drifted to Bokuto’s hand that was wrapped in a towel. His shoulders were trembling and he was breathing heavy, obviously from pain.

“You the one in charge here?” The older man asked and placed his hand on Bokuto’s muscular shoulder. She nodded and stood up from the desk. Bokuto’s face looked pale.

“I jammed my finger trying to block a spike. I think it’s broken.” Bokuto said shakily. 

“Okay. It might just be sprained, but come on back so we can take a proper look.” She said as she showed them the way to the exam room. If it was just a sprain, she could simply tape his fingers together, give him an ice pack and send him on his merry way. Why does he cause so much trouble for her? Bokuto and the coach followed silently. Once in the room, she carefully unwrapped the towel that was around his hand and once it was freed the sight made bile rise in Y/N’s thoat. Bokuto’s middle finger was not only obviously broken, but at the middle knuckle the bone was poking through the skin. Y/N’s heart fell into her stomach. Bokuto gasped, getting a good look of his finger for the first time. 

“That must have been some spike.” She said. “We need to put it on ice and you need to go to the hospital.” The little blood that was left in Bokuto’s face drained.

“My career is over isn’t it?” Bokuto asked with terror in his eyes. _And were those tears? Talk about drama._

“You’ll be fine but you need an x-ray to see the extent of the damage. You might need surgery if the break isn’t clean.” She stated, and they both looked at the coach.

“Well, that’s bad. I need to get back to practice.” The coach said. _What an asshole._

“I-I don’t have my license.” Bokuto mumbled looking down at the floor. _Of course you don’t._ She sighed.

“What about your friend? Can’t he drive you?” She asked, a small glimmer of hope that this conversation wouldn’t end up like she thought it would.

“Akaashi has a migraine today. He didn’t even show up to practice.” Came his reply. Y/N groaned as she could practically feel the question on his tongue.

“Could you-”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I can’t leave. My shift isn’t over yet.” 

“I can’t ask anyone else.”

She let out an aggravated sigh, letting him know how upset she was. He seemed to get the message and cast his eyes down to the floor. She felt bad, just a little bit. So, she took out her phone and called Ms. Sour Cream and Onion Chips. _Please let her say she’ll call an ambulance._ The phone rang three times. She prayed she wouldn’t pick up. 

“What?” Came the reply on the other line. _Shit._ She thought.

“I have a young man with a broken finger. The skin is punctured and the bone is protruding. I gave him an ice pack but he has no ride to the hospital. Should I call him an ambulance?” She asked, hoping the woman on the other line would get the hint.

“Don’t call him an ambulance for a broken finger. Just take him.”

“But-”

“The practices should be finishing up for today. The chances of someone coming in with an injury are slim to none. Just take him.”

Y/N replied with a defeated sigh and quietly muttered an “okay” before hanging up the phone. The last thing she wanted to do was spend the next four hours in the ER with a boy she hardly knew, who seemed to have a knack for getting under her skin. The universe just seemed like it wanted the both of them together. His words from today’s earlier conversation echoed in her mind. _Just don’t fall in love with me._ An angry blush dusted her cheeks. _Fat chance._ She thought, grabbing her keys and wallet. “Let’s get this over with.” She said.


	3. Feelings

To say Y/N was annoyed would be the understatement of the year. Annoyed? No. Frustrated? Not so much. Absolutely fuming with rage? Yes. Why the hell should she be a personal taxi driver to this volleyball buffoon? Fuck her boss. Fuck Bokuto’s broken finger. She felt out of control. She absolutely hated to be made to do anything. She was getting paid for the time, sure, but it was the principal of the situation. She didn’t have to do this, so why was she being made to? This was so far out of her job description, she felt like quitting the second she hung up the phone. It made her blood come to a rolling boil. She stomped to her car with Bokuto following behind like a dog with his tail in between his legs.

She got into her car, an extremely beat up Toyota Corolla. She slammed the driver's side door with such force it made Bokuto wince. Which in turn made her heart hurt. Why couldn’t she just let him feel bad? Oh yeah, because it wasn’t his fault her boss was a sadistic asshole. She gripped the steering wheel with such force it made her knuckles turn white and her hands shake. She inhaled deeply and held it as she rested her head on the steering wheel. She then exhaled sharply.

“I’ll make this up to you. I promise.” Well, she wasn’t expecting that. With his level of arrogance, she assumed that he felt entitled to her time as well as her car. She detested entitled people. She turned her head to face him without lifting it from the steering wheel. Surely he was lying. She could always tell when someone was bullshitting her, but she had to be looking into their eyes. She looked into his brown sugar colored eyes and found no deceit in them. Instead, she found empathy. _Well, that’s new._ It unnerved her. She didn’t deserve his pity.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered, “It’s not your fault. You’re the one who’s hurt and I’m the one who’s acting like an ass.” She was beginning to feel better knowing that he was just as uncomfortable as she was, probably more. She wasn’t the one with a bone protruding out of her skin. She was disgusted with herself. She felt a pit in her stomach. He may be an idiot, but he’d always been nice to her. She cursed her inability to take things at face value. Still, there was the small voice in the back of her head that told her he was using her. That’s just what people did to her. She shook off the thought. _Just get this over with._

“I don’t think you’re acting like an ass.” There he goes again. Just what kind of game was he playing? She hummed in response, not really wanting to dig that deep. Her car started with a sputter. 

The drive was awkward. Oh, how she wished she had replaced her radio after it was stolen. The streetlights passed by, fast illuminating him in perfectly timed flashes. He really was very handsome. When he wasn’t acting like a moron, that is. His eyebrows knit together in either anxiety or pain- she couldn’t tell which, and it was probably a mix of both. His leg bounced up and down. She sighed, trying to calm her own nerves. _Maybe if I get him talking it’ll be less awkward._

“What position do you play?” She asked, and boy, did that get his attention. 

“I’m a wing spiker! I’m the ace!” His response was pretty much immediate. It was almost as if he was waiting for her to ask. It seemed to improve his mood. She hummed again. He might as well be speaking a foreign language. “Have you ever played volleyball?” He asked while he leaned forward, anticipating her response.

“Yeah, but only with friends. Never competitively.” She responded casually. His own response was anything but casual, though.

“Really!?” Bokuto gasped. “We should play together!” _Well, shit._ She giggled at his enthusiasm. 

“Let’s get your grades up and your finger healed first.” She thanked her brain for coming up with an excuse so quickly. He started to pout again. The rest of the drive continued in a similar fashion. He explained the rules of volleyball and she asked the occasional question. She was starting to feel more comfortable around him. He had quite a warm and welcoming demeanor. His passion for volleyball was almost contagious. If she had been invited to a game prior to meeting him she would’ve declined in a heartbeat. However, now she might just have to think about it. 

They finally got to the emergency room where they checked in at the front desk. The nurse who ran the front desk was an elderlly woman who had her salt and pepper colored hair cut in a short fohawk. She also had a sleeve of tattoos that ran down her arm, but her demure was far from intimidating. She winked at Bokuto and he smiled. Once checked in, after a very detailed recap of the incident they waited in the waiting room. They sat next to each other in the cheap waiting room chairs. Since it was late in the night there were only a couple of other people waiting in front of them, but she knew not to expect that they would be out anytime soon. She only hoped Bokuto knew that as well. She had a feeling that he didn’t and would soon start to become antsy. She kicked herself for not bringing her manga. 

Oh, how she loathed hospitals. She had spent enough time in them to last her for the rest of her life. Granted they were a different kind of hospital but the white walls, the fake cheery nurses and the motel artwork were enough to make her anxiety rise. She began to pick at the skin around her fingernails. Even the smell of the cleaner reminded her of those dark times. It's like she was transported back in time. Had she really progressed so little that just the smell of the cleaner alone would cause her thoughts to drift back to before she was placed on her medication. It helped, it really did. She seriously thought that without it she wouldn’t have even graduated highschool, let alone decide to go to college. However, right now she felt just like she did back when nothing mattered. She didn’t care if she lived or died. She felt helpless, vulnerable and alone. Her hands began to shake and she placed them under her thighs to make them stop. It didn’t. She was not about to let on how uncomfortable she was to Bokuto.

“I hate hospitals.” Bokuto said so softly she almost didn’t hear it. His head hung low and his back hunched. How many times was this guy going to surprise her? It unnerved her. She prided herself in being able to read people extremely well. She could read someone and be able to tell how they would act and react in situations. It’s not that she couldn’t read him, she just couldn’t believe someone like him existed and would second guess her expectations. He was goofy, childish but also kind and honest. Just who the fuck blurts out an insecurity to a total stranger? Yeah, they’ve met before and talked. However, to just blurt out something that would confuse most people was just so unnatural. If she did that, the next natural question would follow. Why? Then she would have to explain, the truth would leave anyone uncomfortable.

“Me too.” She stated. She had a strange feeling lingering in her stomach to comfort him. Her hand itched to hold his. She ignored it. She liked his hands. They were meaty like the rest of him and had a few veins that popped out on the back. She knew they would be warm like the rest of him. She shook the thought off as he continued.

“They just make me uneasy, ya know. I can’t really explain why. Bad things happen to people here and that makes me sad. I don’t like to be sad.” He explained. Y/N guessed he was the kind of person who couldn’t keep anything inside and that thought put a warm feeling in her heart.

“That is true but, good things happen here too.” _Where did that come from?_ Before she could stop herself she continued. “Babies are born here, illnesses are treated and life saving surgeries are performed. Yeah, death happens here but in the grand scheme of things, when you think about it that way the good outweighs the bad.” Woah. She had no idea she even could think that way about hospitals. It was almost as if…

_No it couldn’t be._

_Had Bokuto brought that thought out of her?_ He gave her a soft genuine smile that melted her.

“Yeah. I guess if you put it that way, it makes it not so bad.” He said grinning wider. Just as he ended his sentence, Super Bass by Nicki Minaj paired with vibrations started to play from his back pocket. He made no move to answer it and just kept looking her in the eyes, silently pleading with her to ignore it. Nervous sweat began to glisten at his brow. Laughter began to bubble in her throat and she couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I think you should get that.” She said through her laughter.

“It’s not mine.” He lied as he blushed.

“Your ass is playing Super Bass. Did you forget to tell your boyfriend that you weren’t going to be home for dinner?” She teased as a fondness for him started to blossom in her chest. 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” He yelled, reaching back to answer his phone. He stomped away to continue his conversation in private.

She smiled genuinely. That laugh put her at peace. How long had it been since she had a laugh like that? The whole situation reminded her that she should probably let her roommate know that she would be home late too. She called Kimi. This would be too complicated to explain via text. She would have a million questions. Kimi answered right away and filled her in on the strange events of the night. Kimi was none too happy but was understanding. She let her know her concerns and hung up. Y/N sighed as she sat back down in the uncomfortable plastic chair. She checked her social media for about the thousandth time as Bokuto walked back to his seat. He looked glum.

“Trouble in paradise?” She teased again. His face turned sour and pouted.

“Akaashi just chewed me out for being careless.” Bokuto said as he took his seat next to her. 

It was another hour later before he was called back to an exam room. The nurse called him back and they got up from where they were seated to go back. The nurse was old, like super old and had a gold crucifix around her neck. Y/N got a sinking feeling in her belly. She stopped them before they entered. 

“Sorry to ask this but, what is your relation to the patient?” She asked “We seem to be really busy so we are only letting family accompany the patient.” _Like hell they were busy! There were only a few people in front of them!_ This old crone either had a god complex or a problem with modern day relationships. 

“Oh well, I guess I can wait out here.” She said as Bokuto’s face drained. He grabbed her hand.

“No, honey. There’s no need for that.” Bokuto said quickly and before she could protest he turned to the nurse “She is my fiance.” Y/N blushed furiously and nodded. The nurse looked sceptical but didn’t press the issue. They followed the old crone to the exam room. It was cold.

“Someone will be with you shortly.” The old nurse said leaving the two of them alone. She crossed her arms and scowled at him. Bokuto blushed and looked down at the floor.

“Please don’t be mad. I just... didn’t want to be alone.” he mumbled the last little bit and she sighed. She felt bad for him. He really must hate being alone. Being alone for most of her life she had gotten used to it. It was hard for her to remember a time when she wasn’t lonely. Bokuto gave off this energy that people were drawn to. How could you not be? Sure, he was dramatic and kind of a baby. But he was 100% genuine and it was refreshing. 

It was another hour before they even saw the doctor and another 45 minutes to get an x-ray. Then, however long it took to get the results. They were both exhausted. Y/N sat in an uncomfortable chair the whole time. Her eyes were drooping but she couldn’t manage to fall asleep. He was in the same boat too. They had given him some pain medicine and it made him feel really loopy. It had already been a long night. _Just a few more hours and you’ll be in the comfort of your bed._ Ah, yes. Her sanctuary called to her even now. She would definitely not be going anywhere tomorrow. Her socal battery was completely empty and it would take the next day to recharge it.

Another hour and a half later the doctor confirmed it to be broken, but the brake was clean so it didn’t require surgery. Bokuto looked as though he was about to spontaneously combust with happiness. They set his finger in a cast and stitched up his broken skin. It would have to be left alone for two weeks while the bone healed and physical therapy afterward. It would be a while before he could play again. He was visibly shaken, but she reminded him that his career wasn’t over so that was news worth celebrating. That seemed to lift his spirits a bit.

The drive back to campus was quiet. You could practically hear all of the thoughts buzzing around in his mind. He seemed to be concentrating really hard on the road before him. Y/N didn’t think she loved anything as much as he loved volleyball. It made her want to know why and how. She opened her mouth to ask but he cut her off.

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me,” he said. “You’re super nice.”

“I wouldn’t put it that way. I think most people would have done the same.”

“No. They wouldn’t,” he interjected.

“I-”

“I meant it when I said that I’ll make it up to you,” he said seriously. She parked her car at the entrance to his dorm. He was having trouble with the door handle so she got out to help him. She wound up having to help him all the way to his dorm room. His cast and medicine being too much to handle by himself. _Big baby._ She rolled her eyes but didn’t have the energy to argue with him. Once at his dorm door he stopped and repeated his words that were said in her car.

“Don’t worry about it,” she stated. He was all figgity again. Something was bothering him but she couldn’t tell what. It caused the air around them to be heavy.

“I mean it really! Thank you so much!” His gratitude was becoming too much for her and just as she opened her mouth to repeat her earlier statement he pulled her into his chest and squeezed lightly. It was almost as if he couldn’t express just how much he appreciated her with his words. He needed to act them out. She tensed up not expecting physical touch but he didn’t let up. He just held her. It should have repulsed her. How dare this stranger touch her without her consent? _Who am I kidding? I can’t really classify him as a stranger anymore,_ she thought as she slowly started to relax, lightly returning the embrace. He was so warm and she couldn’t remember the last time she was held like this. It felt really nice. A sense of calmness fell around them.

The dorm room door opened leaving a very irritated looking Akaashi standing in the middle of the doorway. He looked like shit. His beautiful eyes were puffy and droopy. His eyes held pain as he winced at the light from the hallway. 

“Hey, man. I told you not to wait up for me,” Bokuto said as Y/N pulled away. Akaashi looked pissed and it made her uneasy. 

“I didn’t, but when you are being loud in the hallway at three in the morning it tends to be hard to stay asleep,” Akaashi said with the smallest hint of a bite. “Sorry you had to take care of this man-child all night.” Bokuto whispered under his breath that he wasn’t a child as he passed him to enter the dorm.

“It certainly was eventful that’s for sure, but it was far from awful,” she replied. The air felt awkward. She felt like she had gotten caught having a boy over and was being scolded by her uncle. She better end this fast. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat but I’m very tired. Have a goodnight.” Akaashi closed the door without another word. _He must be the strong silent type._ Still there was something off about him.

Y/N left and she honestly didn’t remember her drive to her dorm. All that was on her mind was the feel of Bokuto’s strong arms around her, his warmth, his muscles and his hot breath against her hair. It was the most comforting thing that she had felt in a very long time. She felt so safe. Heat rose to her face at the thought. She found herself at her dorm door and just stood there. The events of the evening crashing down on her all at once. Her limbs felt like lead. 

*Beep* The sound broke the spell she was under.

“Did you get home okay?” A text from Bokuto. She smiled.

“Yeah I just got to my door.” She replied while she turned her key and locked the door behind her. He replied with about 50 thumbs up emojis.

Kimi was fast asleep when she entered the shared living space. Y/N couldn’t care less about changing into pajamas as she pulled down her pants, took off her bra and climbed into her bed. It felt like heaven in lieu of the night she endured. Her mind still buzzed at the feeling of Bokuto’s embrace, as well as his presence all evening. Never in her life had she felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. It took Kimi months and months for Y/N to want to be around her. So, what made this guy so special? _Maybe, I’m just touch starved. Yeah, that must be it._ These feelings were beginning to confuse her. Her eyes felt like sandbags and she was asleep within seconds.


	4. Friends

When Y/N woke up the following morning it wasn’t to her normal alarm. No, it was a text notification from Bokuto. She audibly groaned. Couldn’t he just leave her alone for one day? It's not like she just spent the entirety of last night with him, or anything. _Why the hell is he up so early?_ She cracked one eye open, wincing as she tried to focus her eye so she should read the text. 

“Hey hey hey! What do you want for breakfast?” His text read. She racked her brain as to why he would be asking her that. When she couldn’t find a plausible reason as to why, she texted back her question.

“Well thought I could pay you back for your help last night with breakfast.” 

“Also I thought we could use this time to study,” he texted in a separate message. _Oh, yeah. I agreed to that, didn’t I?,_ she thought, shoving her head into her pillow. She stayed in that position for a while contemplating her next move. If she came up with an excuse to not go she would fitfully try to go back to sleep to get her day started at the intended time. She didn’t have work or class today, so she was planning on studying anway. However, she did say she would help him get his grades back up and it’s not like she exactly _hated_ his company. Kimi and her therapist were alway telling her to be more social. She groaned again, not coming up with an excuse to turn him down.

“Okay. Just gotta shower and we can meet up at the library in like an hour. Make sure to bring your textbooks. Also I don’t really eat breakfast so coffee is fine,” she texted back. She sighed again as she left the comfort and warmth of her bed. She turned on the shower while she brushed her teeth, waiting for the water to heat up. A very tired looking Kimi appeared in the doorway. Kimi raised her eyebrow, silently asking ‘Why in the hell are you up?’

“Remember the guy with the broken finger?” Y/N asked. Kimi nodded half asleep. “I agreed to help him get his grades up and I guess he’s a morning person.” Kimi grunted and went back to her bed. Y/N went back to the task of cleaning her teeth. As she looked in the mirror she took in her appearance. The task was something that she didn’t make a habit of. Her eyes looked tired and her complexion sallow. She sighed frustratedly. She never in her life liked her appearance. She strived to come to a place of acceptance with it. Some days were better than others. Today was not a good day. She hated the person looking back in the mirror. Something about being around Bokuto made her even more self conscious. He was really handsome and an athlete. His body was in top physical shape while hers was far from it. She favored oversized t-shirts and hoodies to hide her figure. Years of dealing with people’s comments left her psychologically scarred. Why couldn’t they just keep their thoughts to themselves? They praised her when she starved herself and scolded her when she ate. She learned very quickly the best way to escape was to not be seen. _Don’t go there. He’s going to know something is up and he’s going to pry._ she slapped her cheeks lightly to get rid of the negative thoughts as she stripped and hopped into the shower. 

“Umm, Bokuto?”

“Yeah, Y/N.”

“Why is there a whole ass breakfast buffet on the library’s table?” She asked as she gazed upon the smorgasborge that laid before her. She couldn’t believe her eyes. _What in the actual fuck? Is this guy for real?_ He had brought just about every breakfast item that anyone could ever imagine and placed it on the library’s table. It was almost impressive. It could put any Holiday Inn’s continental breakfast to shame. She was at a complete loss for words.

“Well, I know that you said that you didn’t really eat breakfast but you really should. It’s the most important meal of the day after all. But, I didn’t know what you liked so I just got a whole bunch of breakfast foods for you. Don’t worry I’ll eat what you don’t,” he said as if this behaviour was normal. “Oh, I almost forgot! Here’s your coffee.” She took the cup that was offered to her with a small “Thank you,” as she sat down, still in total shock. Her senses returned to her as she lifted the cup to her lips, the bitter taste of the coffee broke the spell she was under. He watched her with an intense look, as if anticipating her next move.

_I might as well since he went to all of the trouble. It’d be rude not to._ She decided on a plain bagel with cream cheese. He instantly smiled. He began eating himself and, boy he wasn’t lying when he said he would finish what she didn’t. Just when she thought he was done, he’d start again. Y/N thought to herself that if his volleyball career fell through he would probably make it big in competitive eating. She almost giggled at the thought. She looked at him, it was the first real good look she got of him this morning. He was wearing gray basketball shorts, an old light blue t-shirt that said “The Way of the Ace”, the sleeves looked like they were just starting to fray, and running shoes. She noticed his gray hair was damp. _He must have been out for a run. Thankfully he had enough sense to shower before our study session._

“So, how was dealing with the plastic bag and the shower?” she asked. She remembered when she had broken her foot when she was a little girl. The doctor had advised her that wrapping it up in a trash bag was the easiest way to bathe oneself and not get the cast wet. It was still pretty difficult even though they had a bathtub and she could just hang her foot over the side. She imagined that it would be difficult for him having his hand completely immobilized, and navigating the tiny dorm showers. He looked at her with a puzzled expression and tilted his head to the side in an owl-like manner.

“Plastic bag?” He asked.

“You know, to keep the cast dry while you shower,” She said. He still didn’t look like his brain was making the connection. “Wait. If you didn’t wrap it up in a plastic bag, how in the world did you manage to not get your cast wet?” As soon as she ended her sentence the color in Bokuto’s face drained and a look of absolute horror spread across his face. Before she could say anything else, the color that left his face seconds earlier returned to his face with such vigor it painted his face and the tips of his ears bright cherry red. He buried his face in his hands and doubled over in the chair he was sitting in.

“It’s such a simple solution,” he whispered. “I’m a fool. It took me bribing Akaashi with a case of specialty craft beer and doing his laundry for the whole semester to get him to agree to help me shower.” A silence fell over them. You could hear a pin drop for about three seconds before Y/N let out a bark of hysterical laughter that garnered her some nasty looks from the librarians as well as some other students who were unaware of the hysterical information that was bestowed upon her. She couldn’t seem to stop herself, laughing so hard that her eyes watered. All she kept picturing was Akaashi’s stoic self and Bokuto’s chaotic self trying to cram themselves into the tiny dorm showers, arguing like an old married couple. All the while Akaashi knowing of the simple solution and deciding to keep quiet about it, taking advantage of Bokuto’s naivete. Bokuto looked far from amused.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he said, still blushing. “I didn’t know and I know that I stink after I workout and I didn’t want to smell bad around you.” The tail end of the sentence was barely audible, almost as if he was confessing a sin. He suddenly stood with a look of fiery determination in his eyes.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m going to get _my_ beer,” Bokuto said while stomping off. She got up from where she was sitting and grabbed him by his muscled arm.

“Wait! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed, but even you have to admit that was pretty funny,” she said. “Let’s get back to studying and then you can rip Akaashi a new one once we are done.” He still looked pretty annoyed but he sighed and agreed to her proposal. They sat back down at the table. The food that was once there was replaced with paper, notes and textbooks. Once they figured out a groove studying went by pretty smoothly. Honesty, he was picking up the concept super fast. _Just goes to show you that Professor Misogyny is a horrible teacher._ Two hours went by in the blink of an eye. Bokuto’s phone made a little sound and he pulled it out to look at the time. His face fell and he almost looked sad.

“Already?” he asked himself quietly. “Hey, Y/N? I have to go to a class soon but do you think we could make this a regular thing? I feel like I learn way better with you than in class.” That made heat rise to her cheeks.

“Uhh yeah sure. I don’t mind,” she answered without thinking but was surprised to find that it was true. She actually didn’t mind spending time with him. _When did that happen?_ His smile was wide, toothy, and above all genuine.

“Awesome, That’s great!” He said before giving her a goodbye hug. She semi expected it this time and returned it. It lingered on for a little longer than she was expecting which made her feel a little nervous. _I must be imagining things. Why would he like to hug you? He hugs everyone. You’re nothing special._ Her thoughts quickly grew dark. He pulled away and said he would see her at the next class they shared.

The following weeks continued in a similar fashion. Once a week they would meet up and study together. She even started to sit next to him in class, even if it meant that she stood out a little bit more in class. Something about him sitting next to her made it not so bad. She would just shift the attention back to him and he didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. She was getting so comfortable around him, he slowly but surely fell into her friend category. They would occasionally text though the week and she once asked him if he wanted to come by her work to keep her company while she did laundry. Her music didn’t calm her nerves as it usually did. He agreed and they spent the remainder of her shift singing Shakeira at the top of their lungs. Time with him was so much fun and she honestly couldn’t remember the last time she felt like this. He made her feel like she was in a cheesy 90’s sitcom where things were just a little bit bad but always a good time. He made her feel like everything was going to be okay. 

It was always when she was alone at night in her bed that she would start to doubt that this was real. She would start to feel like this was going to end horribly. She should end this before he had a chance to figure out that she was too much trouble. Soon he would find out about her sick brain and he would run. He’d be stupid not to. Her thoughts were interrupted by a text from Bokuto and she snorted at what he sent, a dead meme that she’d seen a thousand times before. She smiled as the dead meme warmed her heart. _He is kinda stupid though._ She thought half heartedly.

They still studied together even when Bokuto’s finger healed and his grades went back up. One study session he was abnormally fidgety. It was as if he had somewhere he had to be. His leg bounced and he couldn’t seem to get comfortable in his chair. When she asked he insisted he was fine. She didn’t buy it but kept it to herself. _Must be volleyball related._ He looked at his phone for about the thousand time since their session started. She was starting to get annoyed with him. _If he would rather be somewhere else than he should just go._

“Hey if there’s somewhere else you need to be right, now we could always do this another time.”

“No!” He shouted and it startled her. He blushed realizing how absurd he seemed. “I just...really like spending time with you.”

“I really like spending time with you too,” she said uncomfortably. _Something is up._ He looked like those weren’t the words he wanted to hear so he pressed on.

“We should hang out sometime,” he blurted out. _Was that what he was all nervous about? What a baby._ She laughed lightly.

“Is that what was bothering you? We’ve hung out before,” She stated, punching him lightly. He still looked bothered but he let it go. His mood changed to one that was hard to read and all she could tell was it was a negative one. It bothered her but she didn’t press the issue. They continued to study. 

She was beginning to feel more and more uneasy doing the laundry at work. She couldn’t put her finger on it but she felt like she was being watched. Her paranoia was probably just getting the best of her again. It was still miserable even if there was a diagnosis. Perhaps the place was haunted. It wouldn’t surprise her. She could sometimes see a figure out of the corner of her eye if she turned around too fast. _Maybe a change in medicine was in order._ Her heart was beginning to race at the overall feeling of being in danger. She heard footsteps approaching and she was paralyzed. Her hands began to shake and her whole body began to sweat. She knew she should run but her body wouldn’t respond. _Move!_ Her heart was pounding in her ears. The footsteps were getting louder and louder.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Bokuto said “I just finished practice and I thought I’d see if you were working tonight.” A tsunami of relief washed over her and she couldn’t stop her feet as they carried her over to him. She wrapped her arms around his wide chest. She needed to feel him closer. She was so filled with relief she could cry. He let out a little surprised “Eh” and then wrapped his arms around her, squeezing lightly. He was hot and sweaty but here in his arms there was no other place she felt safer. Her heart was still pounding and she was still shaking. “Hey. Hey. Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispered, leaning his lips to the top of her head. She could feel his warm breath on her head and his lungs expanding as he breathed.

“You didn’t. I’m just glad you’re here,” she said burying her face deep into his chest. She felt one of his large hands leave her back in favor of the back of her head holding her even closer. They stayed like that for several minutes until her nerves subsided. She was the first to pull away as a deep blush dusted her cheeks. The reality of what she had done caused embarrassment to settle in her chest. 

“Hey sorry about that. I thought I saw a ghost and I-”

“I like you.”

“I, uh, like you too.”

“No. I really like you and I want to go out with you,” he said with complete seriousness. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looked into his eyes _Surely, surely he was joking._ She laughed lightly through her nose.

“Come on. Stop joking around-” he grabbed her by the shoulders gently and looked her dead in the eyes.

“I’m not joking, Y/N. I want to date you,” his honey colored eyes never left hers as he waited patiently for her response. She just stood there waiting for him to brush this off as some kind of joke or prank but he didn’t move. He just waited. She couldn’t believe it, no she wouldn’t believe it. Why in the everloving hell would he want to go out with her?

“Bokuto.”

“Please,” he whispered, “I’ve liked you for months now and I just-”

“No,” She interjected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry that it's been forever since I updated this fic. I know I said that I would update weekly but my life has been turned upside down. I still promise to keep writing but I can only commit to uploading whenever I can make time.


	5. Changes

His eyes went from intense to confusion to sadness in a matter of seconds. Y/N’s heart hurt. His large shoulders dropped as well as his hair. His grip on her shoulders loosened as he began to slowly move away. She immediately felt cold. He opened his mouth and shut it a couple of times. She felt his desire to say something but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. She broke her gaze in favor of the ground as she picked at the skin around her fingernails. A pit began to form in her stomach.

“I’m sorry,” she said squeakily. “You deserve someone so much better than me.”

“What?” Bokuto asked. “You’re awesome! What are you talking about?” 

_Lies. He hasn’t seen the real you yet. If you showed him he would leave just like everyone else._ She shook her head. She felt a burning need to be by herself to sort out her feelings. 

“Sorry, Y/N but I’m going to be the one deciding who I deserve and I really like the girl that’s in front of me here. She’s smart, funny, a great singer and pretty.”

_Liar!_

“You don’t even know me,” she chuckled cynically. “How could you possibly know if you like me or not?” She was starting to feel hot and sweaty herself. She couldn’t believe this was happening. This man had everything, he could have any other normal girl. She had seen the way girls and guys ogled him on campus. He was so likeable too, his charisma was unmatched. How could people not be drawn to him. It wasn’t as if he was hurting for attention. So, why her? He was like a brand new shiny toy and she was like the broken porcelain doll no one would buy even at a yard sale. It would take too much money and time to fix her. This was going to drive her even more insane than she already was. He laughed lightly at her statement.

“Isn’t the purpose of dating to get to know each other more?” he asked rhetorically. He ever so gingerly moved closer to her again and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him again, his eyes held pain but truth. No lie could be found in them. “If you don’t want to date me, that’s fine. I’m a man after all, I can accept that. However, please _don’t_ reject me just because you think I would be better off with someone else. I’m a simple man and all I want is you.”

_Liar._ A wall of brick and mortar went up around her heart. _He doesn’t know what he’s asking. He is completely ignorant to what really goes on with you. Once he sees how much trouble you are he’ll leave you. Just. Like. Everyone. Else. You can’t let him in, he'll only break your heart._ Tears began to well up in her eyes. She tilted her head down so he couldn't see. She had to go. Leave. Escape. She couldn’t be around him anymore. Pain filled her heart at that thought and she felt her lip tremble, the tears seem to double their rate of production. She brushed past him. His expression was one of shock as he reached out to stop her. She winced. She hardened her heart, looked him straight in his gorgeous eyes, and took a deep breath before she said, “My answer is no.”

She left before she could read his reaction. She didn’t have the heart to look upon his face. She walked at a brisk pace as she left him there alone in the concrete laundry room. She stopped back at the clinic to grab her purse. She never ceased moving even to text her boss that she had to leave her post early. She couldn’t bring herself to care about her job. At the moment her thoughts were consumed by Bokuto. Her mind replayed all of the events and conversation of the night. She sprinted back to her dorm. Her haven.

When she got to her dorm she was gasping for air so hard she thought she might faint. She gripped her chest in the hopes it would stop not only the physical pain but the emotional as well. It didn’t. Once she started to catch her breath she fumbled through her purse in search of her keys, with trembling hands she unlocked the door. Once she determined that she was alone, Kimi must have been on a date, she tugged her pants and bra off before climbing into her bed. She sobbed.

_This is the end. He must be humiliated and he’ll never want to talk to you again. That’s why he was so nice to you. He just wanted to use you._ The thought even felt like a lie to her but she tried to convince herself otherwise. She cried into her pillow as the dark thoughts kept on coming. She shouldn’t have gotten close to him. She shouldn't have let him bring her joy and now she is going to lose him. She didn’t want him to go. She liked being around him. She liked his smile and the way he could always make her laugh. She liked his hair and the way he hugged her. She liked the way he smelled and the way he got excited, even over the most mundane things. She liked, she liked, she liked. The realization hit her so hard in the face that she saw stars. She liked him and she broke down even harder. Who the hell did she think she was? How could she like him? _It has to be just some stupid attraction._ She lied to herself. She was going to really miss him. She cried herself to sleep.

After putting her phone on do not disturb she didn’t leave her bed for two days. Kimi started to worry after the first day, but the second day she convinced Y/N to take a shower and agreed afterwards to “talk about it.” Y/N took a long shower and tried to relax her tired muscles. She was so exhausted. After Bokuto’s confession, and her realization, she was entirely drained. Once her shower had finished, she wrapped herself up in a towel and took a good long look in the mirror _“A great singer and pretty.”_ She shook her head. _If he only knew he wouldn’t have said that._ She entered the shared living space. 

Kimi was sitting on Y/N’s bed patiently waiting for her return. Kimi was texting someone on her phone. Y/N felt so small and weak. She wanted to shove these bizarre feelings so deep down that she would eventually forget about them. _Maybe if I’m quiet enough she won’t notice me leaving._ Y/N made a move towards the door. Kimi looked up then and patted the bed next to her. Y/N reluctantly joined her. They sat in silence until Kimi broke it.

“It’s not your mom is it?” Kimi asked while leaning her head against her shoulder. The warmth immediately started to seep through to her. Y/N’s guard relaxed. Kimi was no stranger to her depressive episodes. Kimi was always so patient and kind. Why did she always believe that she couldn’t be open with her? Kimi had been through it all. The alcoholism, the suicide, the custody battle, the everything. Kimi was Y/N’s best friend and Y/N never considered how her episodes affected Kimi. She must have assumed the worst. _Poor thing. I should have told her instead of letting her worry for the last two days._

“No, thank god,” Y/N said. She leaned her damp head against Kimi’s, returning the embrace. Kimi immediately relaxed. Then Y/N unloaded everything of the events that led to her spiral. Kimi listened, asking the occasional question. Y/N started to cry as she told her of her feelings for Bokuto.

“Wait! Do you like him or do you _like_ him?” she asked as she looked directly into Y/N’s eyes. This question puzzled Y/N and she gave it a deep thought before answering.

“I-I. I don’t know. I’ve never liked anyone before,” Y/N said while blushing furiously. “I know I’m attracted to him but I mean who wouldn’t be?” Kimi nodded in agreement while listening.

“Well you might just _regular_ like him then and if that’s the case then just stay friends,” Kimi stated matter factly. This didn’t make her feel better.

“How am I supposed to know if I more than like him?” Y/N groaned out the question. This had been her internal battle for the last two days and this conversation was not helping to clear anything up. Y/N looked up at the ceiling as if she was looking for a sign. Kimi chuckled lightly.

“I know this is going to sound super cliche but it’s the truth. You’ll just know,” Y/N snorted at her answer. “I know that’s not what you want to hear but I do believe that everyone has a moment like that. There will be something that happens between the two of you where you will know that you want to be more than friends with him and I believe that moment is different for everyone. Which is why the phrase is, when you know you just know.”

“But what happens if that moment never comes and I’m waiting around for something to happen that will never happen?” Y/N bursted out the question in frustration. What Kimi had said had occurred to her several times but the question she asked always came back to her mind and she agonized over it.

“Do you want something to happen?”

“I- yes. Maybe?” Y/N stated she sighed and held her head low, defeated. “ All I know right now is that I want him to be part of my life but I know he’ll leave once he knows what I’m truly like. All of my mental health issues and trauma are enough to turn anyone away.” Kimi looked up at her with an “oh please” look upon her face.

“Well everyone except for you. I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal about this anyway. He’ll probably never speak to me again after what’s happened,” Y/N said with a sigh. It felt good to get everything off her chest. Perhaps this is what was needed to let him go and be free from him. It was fun while it lasted.

“Oh I wouldn’t say that. After all, we are going to Karaoke with them tonight,” Kimi said nonchalantly. 

“Say what?” Y/N asked, “With who?”

“Bokuto and I think his roommate,” Kimi looked at Y/N who had a look of disbelief on her face. “Okay I’m sorry but I was snooping through your phone while you were in the shower and I turned off your do not disturb and about a thousand texts from him came through. They were pretty mild and range from apologies to begging to know if you were safe. Frankly, I’m surprised he hasn’t checked up on you in person. Anyway, read his last text.” Y/N took her phone. She was furious at Kimi for invading her personal space but she understood. Y/N was positive that Kimi loved her even more than her own family and she had been so distant with her that she probably was thinking the worst and was just looking for clues. Y/N read the text from Bokuto and her face flushed as warmth spread through her entire body.

“Y/N I am so unbelievably sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any sort of way. I really miss you and I want things to go back to the way they were. I know that It might be a little awkward but I think we can do it if we try. Me and Akaashi are going to this great Karaoke place tonight and I was hoping that you and your friend would want to come with us. Please don’t feel pressure to say yes. I just want you to feel whatever makes you most comfortable.” Y/N read the text over and over again. Then she read what Kimi had replied. Kimi agreed under the guise of Y/N and nailed down a time to meet up with them. 

“Kimi you shouldn’t-”

“I know I should’ve asked before and I’m so sorry. But I would’ve made you go anyways,” Kimi said and stuck out her tongue. Y/N anxiety started to climb. Kimi took notice of this and asked what was wrong.

“I know it’s going to be awkward. I’m going to do something to fuck this up I just know it,” Y/N stated as her hands began to shake. “He’s just doing this to be nice. What if this is some kind of sick joke? What if he’s just doing this because he feels obligated to? What if-”

“Hey! I’m going to let you in on a little secret, okay?” Kimi said breaking Y/N out of her spiral. Y/N nodded and Kimi continued, “If he was super embarrassed or was only doing this to play you he would have given up when he asked you out and you rejected him. Guy’s egos are super fragile, even the bad ones. If he was a narcissist or a psycho he would have made you feel awful after you rejected him, you would know that better than anyone. The fact that he is still interested in being friends and even made plans to go out as friends with a group of people means that he is trying to amend what’s happened. I really think he meant it when he said that he misses you and wants things to go back to the way things were.”

“But what if-”

“Has he ever given you a reason to doubt him?” Kimi interrupted. That question made Y/N stop thinking. It was almost as if time had stopped. Kimi was right. She hadn’t known him for very long, almost a whole semester, but in that whole time she had never once caught him in a lie. If he was some kind of narcissist or psycho she knew the subtle signs to look for having grown up around them and never once had he made her feel uncomfortable. This wasn’t a ploy or manipulation. He genuinely missed her. She shook her head no.

“Then don’t start now,” Kimi said. “I will be there right beside you if things get awkward.”

Y/N hung her head in a defeated manner. She was scared but the truth was she missed him. It was starting to sound like he missed her just as much though she was finding it hard to believe. Her feelings were a mess. She didn’t know if she was excited to see him or terrified. She just would rather not deal with it but she knew she had to try. She had done this to so many relationships and they never worked out. This was the first one that she was sure that she knew that whatever was meant to come to pass that she wanted him in her life. She was still unclear as to whether that was a friend, a lover or just an acquaintance. She was so scared to want anything. To desire anything would mean that someone, even the object of the desire, could use it against her to control her. That vulnerability unnerved her to no end. She would not be controlled. However she knew that in every functioning relationship there would have to be a level of give and take. Y/N knew that Bokuto was not a bad person. Quite the contrary actually. She didn’t think he could manipulate someone even if he tried. She smirked at the thought. She actually would like to see him try, it would be hilarious. That thought warmed her tummy. She sighed and admitted to herself that she was a little excited to see him. 

Y/N hopped off her bed and got into some comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt. She felt better even though not a lot was cleared up about her feelings towards a certain volleyball player. The day went exactly as planned but Y/N caught herself looking at her phone about every hour in anticipation. She didn’t exactly know why. Was she nervous? Excited? Just wanted to get it over with? Time seemed to move at least two hour slower than usual. Kimi kept to herself most of the day and giggled at Y/N’s obvious irritation at the way time was passing. When the time finally came to get ready to meet the guys Y/N found herself feeling more insecure about her body than usual. However with a little help from Kimi who lightly applied some makeup and helped her out with a nice outfit they were ready.


End file.
